so i basically havent written in this thing for a really long time.

it feels like things lately have been falling down hill... fast! im not motivated to do anything, nothings worth it to me. as always my love life sucks... in the past yr i've had way too many bfs that have lasted way too short a time, dont get me wrong they are still really good friends... but i just wish that everytime somethings goin AMAZING i didnt always wana break it off, i think i'm scared that if i get too involved somethings gonna happen, like i mite get hurt or even worse actually be happy. i have ruined too many potentiel relationships bc i guess i'm just "not dating material..." what does that even mean? does that mean i'm never goin to find "the one" i;m sure i already have passed up a couple of really great things. what is wrong w me? o well i guess it doesnt matter... ill get over it and fall into my same routine, i just wish i knew what i could have changed to make things better, ive never felt this much regret or this much pain over a guy. it sucks i feel vunerable. but i will NEVER take him back.

i need "me time" i need to grow up and take responsibility of myself.

im sure this post doesnt make any sense, but i got to vent. i'm so pissed off at myself its ridiculous.

So on my way to go camping sun nite.... i got pulled over b/c i was speeding!!! i guess ur not supposed to go 20 mph over the speed limit... whats worse is it was a construction zone (b/c all of goddamn NE is!) and my license plates were expired, i couldn't find my registration, my insurance card was expired, he saw us put our seat belts on... what else could go wrong? he didnt say anything about my tail light being out... which is good.

O well.... now i;m out like $400 so i'm basically not gonna be doing anything for the next month.